What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 00:58
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
What is the sluttiest thing your wife has ever done?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was 9 years of age.
What is your first experience having sex with older men?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
We all went to grammer schools
Why don't younger men like older women?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Do straight guys like to have sex with men when they smoke meth?
I was very sick at this time too.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She was in good health!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I write beautiful poetry .
So whats the point in blame.
Why are white women not interested in dating Asian men? Are they not attractive to you at all?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
(And it was in our own minds.)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
All the time i was locked up.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Is the Las Vegas Grand Prix considered one of the "premier events on the Formula 1 calendar?"
I was seconnd youngest,
Im still living with it.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
What did i know ?
But ive been too sick for many years..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I will be 64.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She found it foreign!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He knew the spot.
Who then, do I blame.?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My family never makes their pension either.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Comes on , in middle age.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I couldn’t, believe it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I have no regrets .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I think the readers, may guess!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
This is soul school!.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But it wasn’t much.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
When she asked me how she looked .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
It was going to be , some day.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
One cannot live in the past .
Put me off passion for life!!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She married twice! .
So, i spoilt her more .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Would this be the day?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I waited trembling.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Was to survive, this bastard.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I said to her
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I never cut or harmed myself..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My life is so biszare .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Why did i forgive my father ?
We were not on the streets..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Ive learnt so much.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was scared of men, in general
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I don,t even have a pension.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But, we were locked up after school.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And i lived it daily.
She wouldn,t have been !
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She loved him until the end.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.